A recent judgment by a trial court has noted that live-in relationships have become a fad visible only in urban areas and the fact is that they are seen as ‘immoral’ in our society.
In the West, live-in relationships have become a way of life and in India, where the fashion is to imitate the West; live-in relationships are becoming a fad especially among urban Indians who are much influenced by the Western trends. The tendency of all those who want to protect themselves as democratic, liberated and intellectual (that is, like the ‘Westerners’) is to support the new trend and criticize those who oppose it as ‘repressive’ and ‘backward’. It has been the fashion of the urban Indians, including the English media, to support this Western trend unflinchingly as an expression of an ‘open’ society. However, they are quite ‘closed’ when they are asked to explain the many negative effects of such relationships which studies, especially in the West, have revealed from time to time.
What do live-in relationships imply? In a simple sentence, they mean two people living together as husband and wife but without marriage and without accepting any of the duties and responsibilities that are associated with marriage.
It is an ‘easy come, easy go’ temporary relationship formed with the sole objective of gaining pleasure without having any obligations and duties towards each other. But in reality, it is a trend that harms the individual and the society, the live-in partners as well as their offspring, the present society as well as the society of the future.
The social effects of live-in relationships hit out at the basic building block of individual relations and the society—the family. Such relationships are a rebellion against the enduring edifice of the family and the values it represents—love and affection, commitment, stability and security, a sense of togetherness, sharing of responsibilities, upholding of sanctity of relationships, harmony between family members, respect for elders and an enduring understanding of what it means to live healthily and happily as a team. Such relationships are increasingly hitting out at the role of the man as the responsible father who provides care, security and guidance to the family as a whole and especially to his children. As rightly stated by some researchers, the ‘father’ is increasingly become an ‘extinct species’ in the West. The ‘modern’ women themselves who opt for it end up being burdened with numerous pressures—physical, sexual, emotional and psychological. Then again, there are the children born to them.
These children cannot be always simply aborted at the outset or given away to orphanages. As the West itself acknowledges now, the children need to be brought up in a stable, secure manner with all the advantages of a ‘family’. But when the ‘family’ unit does not exist, how are these children to get the advantages of a family? They grow up diseased and distorted physically, emotionally, mentally and socially.
According to a study in The Journal of Law and Economics in 2010,there is indeed a very significant link between out-of-wedlock births and rates of murder and other crimes. Children born out of wedlock are receivers of lower educational and other resource investments from their parents, which means that they are more likely to commit crimes.
They are emotionally weak and insecure, unstable in their social interactions, unable to form relationships based on loyalty, and without any understanding of the importance of values like trust, devotion and commitment (which they have not experienced in their home environments). They indulge in sexual activity at an early age, spend time away from their single parents, and once they become adults, have children out of wedlock and engage in criminal activity. Interestingly, the effect of these on boys is greater, at least in the early years.
Live-in relationships do not leave their ugly trace just on the present; they also impact on the future. It has been found that the absence of married parents leads to intergenerational illegitimacy.
The US is the pioneer in establishing the many new fads and lifestyles popular in the West that have attacked the family and other values that form the foundational structure of the society.
However, ironically, it is the US President Barak Obama himself who has been keen to point out that such trends have a negative impact on the society.
He has highlighted the gravity of high out-of-wedlock birth rates and the importance of marriage in his book The Audacity of Hope. He boldly states what the people in the West, who are proud of their modern lifestyle, and those aping them in the East, would not like to read. He says, “Children living with single mothers are five times more likely to be poor than children in two-parent households. Children in single-parent homes are also more likely to drop out of school and become teen parents, even when income is factored out.
And the evidence suggests that on average, children who live with their biological mother and father do better than those who live in stepfamilies or with cohabiting partners…. In light of these facts, policies that strengthen marriage for those who choose it and that discourage unintended births outside of marriage are sensible goals to pursue.”
The imported trend of live-in relationships is rotten and most unhealthy for individuals and the society. Those who support such live-in relationships especially in transitionally Asian societies like India believe they are forward-looking and progressive because of their ‘liberated’ approach. They may speak vociferously supporting such relationships; they may deride those who do not support such relationships. But just ask the men among them whether they would like or allow the closest in their family—their mother, daughters, sisters—to live in such relationships.
They will react aggressively to even such a suggestion! Live-in relationships do not benefit the individuals or the society in any manner; instead, they are harmful in more than one way. They are thus a useless and dangerous trend!
Live-in relationships is based on all those concepts that are valued in modern societies for their own detriment: a materialistic outlook in life, a mechanized way of thinking, a pleasure-loving orientation in life; emphasis on the ‘here’ and ‘now’; and an overemphasis on the body and its pleasures.
The desire for liberty has resulted in diminishing of responsibilities of adults towards each other, as seen in live in relationships. Marriage involves commitment towards each other, towards each other’s families. It is the bedrock of the society: it makes the society stable and secure; it helps the society endure; and it keeps the society healthy from many points of view and beneficial for mankind—today and tomorrow.
It teaches individuals to care for each other and share with each other. It teaches men and women how to build relationships of love, trust and devotion and teaches these values to the children who are forever watching their parents and emulating them.
By: Syed Ruman Hashmi
Editor-In-Chief
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